I think I've been too busy dwelling on the huge upcoming transitions our family (namely Atticus and I) is about to make after Atticus's upcoming birthday to write blog posts. My time is up. I'm supposed to return to the office full time when Atticus turns one. I chose this date largely because I felt it was probably all my company would be willing to allow. I know they're not very comfortable with me working from home. It's gone tremendously well, and I'm sure they feel that way about it too; but nonetheless, they frown upon it. And it's not exactly easy for me. I LOVE having the afternoons with Atticus, but that means I work all evening Monday through Friday. It's getting old--so hard to find any time leftover to read or write fiction or heck, even watch a 30-minute sit-com. I think I also imagined I might be done nursing Atticus by now. I just didn't know what to expect. But here we are--his birthday in just a few days--and I nurse him as much now as I did six months ago. I love it; I'm not complaining. I'm just saying it complicates things. Now the prospect of sending him to daycare all day is that much harder. I've never been apart from him for more than 5 1/2 hours. And not only is he transitioning to full time, we're moving him to a new daycare. I think it's a good change, but nonetheless, it's a lot of new stuff all at once. So I've been a whirlwind of emotions these last few weeks. One day I'm excited about going back to being done with work when I leave the office in the afternoon. The next I'm sad, sad, sad. The cycle repeats. I try to reason with myself that this is much harder on me than it is on him, but I'm not 100% convinced. Then I remind myself that ultimately, I have choices. If we do this for a few weeks, and I'm still sad, sad, sad, then I can request to work part-time. It would mean losing seniority, which stresses me out, but I suppose that if this move to full-time makes me unhappy, then I won't care about that so much. And this isn't all to say that I believe I'm going to be unhappy. I don't. I think there's a strong chance that Atticus and I will both adjust rather quickly, and that I will be happy with this decision. But, well, I'm not certain of that either. I've gotten used to hanging out with him in the afternoons. I think that in my perfect world I'd work six hours a day, and pick up Atticus right after his nap. I'd still have the afternoons with him. But in that dream scenario, somehow I'd retain my seniority and everything at work would go on as normal, which, of course, it wouldn't. sigh. Maybe I just need to get over the seniority thing. I'm sorry to go on and on... It's been a rough few weeks.

Rough but lovely. Atticus and I have had several splendidly lovely days together this weekend, despite that he has another ear infection. After taking him to the pediatrician to confirm the ear infection yesterday, we sat in the parked car for over an hour--he nursed to sleep while I read in the back seat, a perfect breeze coming through the window, the sun shining on us. We had dinner with Eleanor and Deborah; Atticus chowed down on grilled chicken, bread, macaroni, hummus, etc.

Today we sat in the parked car again--this time downtown--I read while he finished his nap in his car seat. We had lunch at a lovely new restaurant called Pasco--almost all local produce, grass-fed beef, etc. Delicious. Atticus had goat cheese and pork for the first time. I took him to the chiropractor for the fourth time this week--trying to avoid an antibiotic. We went to our weekly mom-and-baby group. Then this evening, Celia, Teresa, Amber, and Amber's two kids came over; we had pizza, cupcakes, and beer, and celebrated Atticus's upcoming birthday.